Destination [ Martinique ]

 Every now and then we need a break from everything. Pack your bags and take a little get away from your children, work and everything that keeps you on a schedule. Taking a break is mandatory, its not a luxury especially for those mothers who work from home. I used to think that taking a vacation was a huge luxury only reserved for those millionaire parents in Potomac, MD with 2 Nanny's and a chauffer. Huge misconception. Give your self a break every now and then. You absolutely deserve it.


Enjoy.

Photographer: http://drevizionmedia.com/ #Drevizion
Location: Martinique
Models: Check me out :)

 

 

 

Typical conversation with these three. ( My favorite team anyhow)

 

 

 

 

 

And then I had to come back to reality.....

Even though I love my reality :)

 

#nomamipikinleftbehind

 



Marriage is not a #trend

     Marriage is not a trend. Its not like having a nose ring, or hightop skirt, or peplum blouse, or red bottom shoes to show off with for a short time and then you move on to the next high fashion item once that trend ends. A wedding is a very tiny part of your marriage. You get ooohs and ahhhhhs for a couple of hours and you are left alone after the celebrations to put in the work required to make it work. After you have stayed in the limelight for a while and you cannot keep up with the "trend" things start falling apart. Then you realize you need more than, a super fancy wedding, nice body type, career status, family status, a child (yes a child)  and more to be married. It requires 2 people who have been ordained by God and who are willing to put in 200 percent of what it takes to keep going. Finding time for each other, staying true to oneself, Loving them through hell, accepting that you are both imperfect, being able to compromise, loosing a couple of friends along the way, dealing with intruders, and more. I mean its a constant job. Imagine being with someone who doesn't understand what it takes to be married. Its a nightmare being in a marriage by yourself (yes some people are in it all by themselves and thats a post for another day ... ) working hard to keep the outside appealing and slowly dying on the inside.

   Lets not look at the outside of our friends, neighbors, "facebookers", "social media elites", and all the "well packaged weddings"  and get eager to jump into marriage with just with anyone. Unfortunately a lot of pressure is placed on unmarried folk by their family and society. No one is less of a person because they are single. Lets give everyone a chance to find the person that is right for them and not the person that can fit into the picture at that given time.

  And to you my married folk, keep building, loving, forgiving, compromising and staying strong, remember that you are both to bring out only the absolute best of each other, trusting God to Lead and guide you.

  And to you my single parents, don't let anyone tell you that you are any less of a parent/person because you are not married. You are not your children's parent by chance. You were chosen specifically by God to be the parent of this child. If Marriage is in your future it will come to pass. No one is equipped to pass any judgement on you!

   Marriage can be beautiful when you both understand that its not a field trip or internship, and you are ready to bring out the best in each other regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.

Cheers to the New month.
Let No mami pikin be left behind. Marriage is not a trend. Its a lifetime commitment that requires constant work done with love and dedication.

Muah.

Be the voice of reason

   I've been a little quiet and miss all my mamipikins. I promise to do better.  I have sooo many overdue posts and will get on them asap. We are back to school and I'm wondering where the summer went. Woke up with an overdue post on my mind and I thought I'd share. 

    

    Do not keep partaking in other peoples bad behavior. Gossip, hate, envy, adultery, and more. If an issue does not concern you directly, do not cosign and encourage a bigger problem out of it. By not being honest with your peers about their disturbing behavior you are indirectly a part of it. If you find your peers behavior disturbing, stop pretending and talk to them. I have noticed that a lot of us grown women and mamipikins are great at adopting bad behavior or issues that we have no business being a part of, but refuse to partake in anything that uplifts the next woman who needs our love and support. We are so dishonest with each other on matters that should be addressed with love and honesty. 

     Your children watch you more than they listen. Do not take your behavior around your children for granted. You want to raise leaders, who are influenced by your positive behavior. You want to raise children that have great self confidence that comes from watching their mothers. Be a woman who doesn't faint at every temptation, a woman  who can stand their own ground. A woman who does not need to "belong" by partaking in bad behavior for acceptance. 

Be the voice of reason. 

Let nomamipikin be left behind! 

Kisses,

"Parental Guilt"

   I have been blessed with the opportunity of being around mothers to young children. I am also blessed to be a mamipikin of 4 and counting. Now apart from weight loss and lack of "personal time" the next big issue we always discuss is "parental guilt". Parental guilt is worse with first time mothers. It sets in that moment when you have to leave your infant for the first time to take a break, go to work, school, or an afternoon out for some down time. Do not fret! You have been building relationships all your life for moments like this when you need to leave your infant with a responsible adult. Some one you trust. You are not doing anything wrong.

  I don't have a long drawn out post on parental guilt because you don't need to feel guilty for taking a break, going to school  and or going to work in order to provide for your family, its that simple. As long as you are setting that time aside  to spend with your family when you can, you need not worry. You are doing what you need to do in order to take care of your family. I used to feel horrible for leaving my kids for a couple of hours. It was a real problem. I would worry about the nanny, or family member left with the responsibility for a couple of hours. The truth is that we cannot do it on our own. It truly takes a village. The Job is a necessity and so is the break or little time off from home.

    Some parents go as far as "over compensating" because they are not as available as they will love to be, they end up buying their kids out. Do not buy your children out. Do not get in the habit of teaching your children that material things can solve all of lives problems. Talk to your children once they can understand. Explain to them why you have to work or take a breather. Tell them about what it takes to be an adult and all the responsibilities you have as an adult.

    You always have to be the parent, and that involves making decisions that may be difficult for the children and even others to understand. At the end of the day, you want whats  best for you and your family and thats what truly matters.

  Let go of parental guilt. You are allowed to make a living for your family. You are also allowed to take a breather when needed. Like I said earlier, you are doing what you need to do in order to take care of your family, there should be no guilt involved.

Kisses.

Don't drown in the social media pool of foolishness

   
        Its summer vacation at my home "big compound" (as commonly called). Please excuse me if you see any of these phrases in this post "stop it", "close the fridge", "turn down the volume" or "leave the baby alone". I know I cant be the only one who says this ALL DAY. Any how I love my children and wont have it anyother way, theres nothing I enjoy better than being a mother.

I love a big family. (This is from my sisters graduation two years ago)

       I see so much foolishness on social media, I don't know who to get pissed at? Is it the people posting the madness or the ones liking and commenting on any madness. Be true to yourself, how were you before the LIKE button? the issue here is that our generation gets their self confidence from social media popularity, or should I say social media acknowledgment, so we have forgotten how to live without putting on a show for our social media audience. We are raising children in this shallow world, do not ignore talking to your loved ones about how important it is for your inside to be better than your outside, how important it is to do good without a siren for recognition. As a mother instilling great self confidence in my children is very important. Do not let the social media view of life swallow you and your loved ones.

       We can enjoy all the benefits of social media networking, meeting old friends, and more without  loosing all integrity and common sense in the process.
May God heal us.

    Let no mamipikin live based on social media recognition. We are better than putting up a show for a couple of LIKES. Always read and re-read before you hit the post button.

Kisses
#nomamipikinleftbehind

Your choices...

   

 As a mother of 4 children, aunty, Godmother, wife, sister, daughter and more, I chose to work 5 days a week from home and run a fast pace, fast growing, event planning company on the weekends. This works for my family. Other mothers work out of the home and that works best for their families. Basically every family does what is best for them. There is no perfect way. No way, not at all, just what works best!

     Now with that being said I am running into some very insensitive people and I'm sure you my fellow mamipikins are too. People who assume that they have a blueprint for a perfect mother. Do not apologize for the decisions you make in regards to the well being of your family. Do not get in the habit of explaining "what" and "why" to anyone. Keep your responses short and direct to the point. Learn to spend your time and energy wisely!  No one can possibly love your child and or children more than you. Don't let people run your homes. Don't fall under the pressure of "others".

     Whatever you choose to do or give as a mom is usually your best. Stand behind your own choices. Your family should be your number one priority.

Let nomamipikin live for anyone else. Your choices are "YOUR" choices.

Kisses ...

"First time mom"

     I would wait to include all this in a  book, but then I believe there is some mother 

out here that needs this post. To those who might not know, I am a mother of 4 wonderful children. All 4 delivered full term vaginally. When I had my first child everything was a complete shock, from breastfeeding, to bath time, to my countless attempts at bottle-feeding. Now I am one of the most persistent people you will ever meet. I had "my" expectations from pregnancy all the way to labor and beyond. My oldest child completely refused a bottle, I only survived because of the wonderful family God blessed us with. We bought every-bottle in the market and finally gave up. I breastfed her for 14months. Now that was my personal choice.(Breastfeeding requires patience and a ton of dedication. Don't loose your mind if you don't get it right the first time, there is no award to be won, no badges and or medals.)The transition from newborn to about 2 months was the toughest time in my life. 
    Bringing a newborn baby home is a very demanding task, even though its very special it can be a litttle nerve wrecking for most people. We should not ignore discussing what is important at our babyshowers, and or intimate mommy "hang outs". Talk about complete surprise when you come home and nothing is like the mommy blogs full of cute babies describes it. No one tells you about the reality of post partum blues, or how unbelievably sore you will be immediately your milk comes in,(breast milk of course), no one tells you that "baby latching" is an entire Grad-school program cramped up in a day and can be one of the most frustrating things you ever experience, no one prepares the new moms for the constant explaining that needs to be done (by those who choose to, personally I did not have the time) to your non-mom friends about why you are so tired, or unavailable to chat for hours on the phone, or that your outings will be timed. All these are not to scare our new "mamipikins" but to prepare them for a completely new and very deserving stage in life. Instead of focusing on how quick one must fix the outside; weight, skin, waist size and more postpartum, talk about the reality of bringing home a new baby to your expectant mothers, talk about sex drive and or the lack there of, encourage each other to accept the process of gradual weight loss, and staying positive reminding them that just like pregnancy it does not last forever. 

   Let nomamipikin  be left behind. We will prepare, support and help transition our new mothers. Coming to visit much later and bringing in a list of critiques for the new mom is definitely the wrong way to do it, new moms love advice but it gets overwhelming when. I am working on  a "must know" list for all expectant and new mothers, lots of input from my other mamipikins will be awesome.

Kisses.  

Who's counting?

    A lot of women get bullied for having kids, not having kids, not having enough kids, having too many kids, LAWD! Is there an ideal situation? Whats ideal? What is enough? Are we on a timeline? Are you married to all the women in the Costco line who stare at you hard when you have all your four of your kids in line? Are you married to the ones who make you the center of their little get togethers? Why are we so concerned with other women's reproductive systems and or relationships? What's the obsession? So what if someone is in their 30's without any kids yet? Are you God?

   Women get bullied about something so personal as having children. We bully the single mothers for not having a husband, we bully those with one child for not having enough kids, we bully those without the ideal number of kids, in most cases mothers like me who have 4 or more get the most harassment, (pure madness, even from family members who don't know where you and the kids lay your head at night). We bully newly weds who are not on our "ideal" childbearing timeline. We bully those women who are struggling in private with conception. The harassment sometimes is very subtle, but definitely will hurt especially women who are struggling with conception.

    The bottom line is everybody should stay in their lane, focus on YOU and YOUR HOUSEHOLD! If you constantly complain about women with no children, too many children, (whatever number is ideal, I don't know) single parents, and more, Please take a moment and reevaluate your life, its certain that you have internal issues, you are not happy with YOU and therefore everyone else must endure it.

Let nomamipikin  be caught up feeling guilty, worried, heartbroken, or uncomfortable in a conversation about your family. Do not give room to any self appointed critics.  Let nomamipikin hurt another woman on the discussion on childbearing. Respect each others personal choice on childbearing, its a private and personal issue.

Love and kisses.

Permission to Love YOU

   Good morning my loves. I miss writing and sharing sooo bad. Life with 4 kids is a whole different ball game. Not complaining at all, We are super blessed to have our newest soldier and the other privates. 
   Its a cold morning in Germantown MD, (my part of the world) this morning and I am getting ready to figure out if it will be a cereal kind of morning or full out breakfast at my home. But before breakfast and my sure ability to rant, I will like to share a little bit of what life is like so far with 4 young children. Each child in my house is a complete individual. They are as different from each as you can imagine. They have completely different ideas, coping skills, hobbies and temperament. I have 4 different nations and sometimes there can be war, haha to say the least. The one true nature and character trait that they do share is great self confidence. We insist on Loving YOU and making the best of every situation in my home. With great self confidence you have great self esteem and that eliminates a ton of issues that we are facing in todays world.

"My team"

    Anyhow  all this brings me to my mamipikins. Why are we not able to Love ourselves enough? we can Love everybody around us deeply but constantly need permission to love the Woman in us? We are able to smile and give compliments to everyone around us but still need permission to Love our own flaws and all.

   YOU need to LOVE YOU. Some women wont love themselves because they are waiting to be a certain size, color, shape, and more. We are waiting for the man of our dreams to Love us then we can start Loving us too. We are waiting to be 3 shades lighter then we can Love ourselves. We are waiting to get back to our Pre-pregnancy or baby weight then we can celebrate and Love ourselves. We are waiting to buy a new home or move to a new neighborhood then we can start loving ourselves. We have an endless lists of "wants" that have to be accomplished before we love the woman in us. Some how we have decided that until we check off each item on a mysterious list created by society on what a good  woman or accomplished woman is we wont love ourselves. A woman who Loves herself is a successful Woman, a fearless leader, a phenomenal woman. A woman who Loves herself has freed her mind from the burden of hoping,wanting and even needing anyone else to accept all of her.

  Let nomamipikin be left behind because they are waiting for permission from society to Love themselves. Love the woman in You! Love the mother in You. Be fearless and Bold.
#Nomamipikinleftbehind!

Kisses

   

Tired much?

"Tired much?" 

    Thankful for every moment I get to be tired for the right reasons. Nothing will ever be the same again. Having a fourth baby has taught me or rather reminded me how valuable my time is. I can choose to whine about how quick the day went by or I can find joy in every single task I have to complete. You must get to a point where your exhaustion can bring you into a moment of praise, meaning that you are tired for the absolute perfect reasons.

      When you decide to accept that your time is valuable you may loose friends, family, clients, and more because some people will rather you stay tired for the wrong reasons. 

  Time is valuable and my tiredness must have a Praise! 
Let every moment of exhaustion be accompanied by your praise, let every mamipikin reevaluate how, what, and who is taking up most of your time and for what reasons, for our time is valuable and irreplaceable.  

Kisses. 

  So its about 6 am in my world and on a Saturday when I don't have any events(work: I am an event planner by day and mother by.... well I am always a mother,no schedule there)  this is my favorite time of the day. I can sit down in a corner and just reflect on my entire week without 3 little people calling me by the minute. My 3 year old is at the age of "Mommy X smiled at me", "Mommy there are people in the house", "Mommy are you my mommy?" ... I mean she is what we call in Cameroon( my home country) "report card" and  in the Us "tattle tale". Anyhow with that said I am thankful I have them to keep me busy and away from what could be a lot of trouble out here.

With my number one fan and the biggest boss I know. Mafor... (mother of mine)

    I think every woman needs a crash course or (refresher) on how to be a great friend. When I say every woman I mean every single woman. We have lost it. As I talk to other mothers and women I begin to realize that most of our issues come from the fact that we are not able to stay Loyal to anyone at all. So my question is how are we raising our daughters? It becomes a vicious cycle. I am personally working on being able to forgive and move on so I can be a great friend again. I want to be able to smile from the inside and say I let that go because I am human and make a ton of mistakes too.

     We are treating each other like "reserved parking spots" No one is a reserved Parking Spot. You can't choose when to park and when to leave the spot empty, you can't choose to drive around and then come back because you are paying a small monthly fee, You cant treat people like a parking spot.You cannot bid on each other like you will do if you wanted a great parking spot closer to your house. You don't own anyone and therefore cannot treat them like crap!If you cannot be loyal and consistent you are not ready for real friendship.We must treat each other with some respect. You cannot choose when someone is good enough according to your  "needs radar" and when they are not. Friendship cannot be based on the convenience at that season of your life. You have to separate "associates" or "ministry" (ministry because they are truly some people who need your help to go over certain tough times at a point in their life) from true friendship. Look around you and you will see that some people are your ministry, others are just associates, and then you have a handful of those who are your real friends.

   As mothers there is no time for watered down relationships. Nomamipikin should be caught up in "parking spot" friendships.

Happy Saturday
Kisses

Blessing in your Storm

  There is always a blessing in every storm. I know for sure because I have seen this happen time and time again. The real challenge is being able to stay patient enough through the storm. So I usually use my darling self as an example because who else knows me better than me?
I am currently learning every single thing there is about patience. Those who know me will laugh and say God has a sense of humor and he is sure using adequately.

  I usually plan everything, I mean every single thing. Its in my nature to stay organized and almost try to play "psychic"( which is soooooo wrong yes i know) in every area of my life. I have a system to every aspect of my life and I know I drive tons of people in my immediate surrounding (like my poor husband, my siblings, and inner circle) crazy. To be honest my knack for perfection is not always bad, for example I am a no-nonsense event planner and make a living out of that!

    So here am I, all 200pounds of me (don't open your eyes too wide I will be back! nomamipikinleftbehind) waiting to go into labor and for the first time in my life I have absolutely no control. Im literally learning that I do not have control over Gods timing and there is nothing I can do about it. It had to take something as important as this for me to start letting go and letting God. All mothers who have had full term deliveries will agree with me that once you hit 37weeks in your pregnancy there is a certain anxiety that takes over and you cant think about anything but having the baby. After reading every mommy to be  blog, unending articles, and a lot more I am finally where God wants me to be, and its to let him be God alone.

   I have had a not so easy pregnancy, Yes! But compared to what I read on the blogs millions of women go through worse. We must learn to stay calm in the storm. We must learn that no matter how hard the storm is, it usually always calms down. There are no storms that do not settle, every woman has a different storm that they live with and struggle with. Looking at it literally you cant keep your eyes open in a storm, its windy, objects flying everywhere, and you most likely need shelter. As you go through the storm remember that you come out stronger and refined. Learn to listen in your storm,
Learn to see things with your eyes closed, learn to appreciate the fact that the storm did not wash you away. You must accept that "Life happens"  and heck being a mother "REAL LIFE HAPPENS". At the end of the day let nomamipikin get out of any storm without a life lesson. There is a blessing in every storm, you cant see it as you go through the storm but i can almost guarantee that as soon as it calms down you certainly will.

Let Go and Let God.

Love you all.