Marriage is not a #trend

     Marriage is not a trend. Its not like having a nose ring, or hightop skirt, or peplum blouse, or red bottom shoes to show off with for a short time and then you move on to the next high fashion item once that trend ends. A wedding is a very tiny part of your marriage. You get ooohs and ahhhhhs for a couple of hours and you are left alone after the celebrations to put in the work required to make it work. After you have stayed in the limelight for a while and you cannot keep up with the "trend" things start falling apart. Then you realize you need more than, a super fancy wedding, nice body type, career status, family status, a child (yes a child)  and more to be married. It requires 2 people who have been ordained by God and who are willing to put in 200 percent of what it takes to keep going. Finding time for each other, staying true to oneself, Loving them through hell, accepting that you are both imperfect, being able to compromise, loosing a couple of friends along the way, dealing with intruders, and more. I mean its a constant job. Imagine being with someone who doesn't understand what it takes to be married. Its a nightmare being in a marriage by yourself (yes some people are in it all by themselves and thats a post for another day ... ) working hard to keep the outside appealing and slowly dying on the inside.

   Lets not look at the outside of our friends, neighbors, "facebookers", "social media elites", and all the "well packaged weddings"  and get eager to jump into marriage with just with anyone. Unfortunately a lot of pressure is placed on unmarried folk by their family and society. No one is less of a person because they are single. Lets give everyone a chance to find the person that is right for them and not the person that can fit into the picture at that given time.

  And to you my married folk, keep building, loving, forgiving, compromising and staying strong, remember that you are both to bring out only the absolute best of each other, trusting God to Lead and guide you.

  And to you my single parents, don't let anyone tell you that you are any less of a parent/person because you are not married. You are not your children's parent by chance. You were chosen specifically by God to be the parent of this child. If Marriage is in your future it will come to pass. No one is equipped to pass any judgement on you!

   Marriage can be beautiful when you both understand that its not a field trip or internship, and you are ready to bring out the best in each other regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.

Cheers to the New month.
Let No mami pikin be left behind. Marriage is not a trend. Its a lifetime commitment that requires constant work done with love and dedication.

Muah.

Be the voice of reason

   I've been a little quiet and miss all my mamipikins. I promise to do better.  I have sooo many overdue posts and will get on them asap. We are back to school and I'm wondering where the summer went. Woke up with an overdue post on my mind and I thought I'd share. 

    

    Do not keep partaking in other peoples bad behavior. Gossip, hate, envy, adultery, and more. If an issue does not concern you directly, do not cosign and encourage a bigger problem out of it. By not being honest with your peers about their disturbing behavior you are indirectly a part of it. If you find your peers behavior disturbing, stop pretending and talk to them. I have noticed that a lot of us grown women and mamipikins are great at adopting bad behavior or issues that we have no business being a part of, but refuse to partake in anything that uplifts the next woman who needs our love and support. We are so dishonest with each other on matters that should be addressed with love and honesty. 

     Your children watch you more than they listen. Do not take your behavior around your children for granted. You want to raise leaders, who are influenced by your positive behavior. You want to raise children that have great self confidence that comes from watching their mothers. Be a woman who doesn't faint at every temptation, a woman  who can stand their own ground. A woman who does not need to "belong" by partaking in bad behavior for acceptance. 

Be the voice of reason. 

Let nomamipikin be left behind! 

Kisses,

"Parental Guilt"

   I have been blessed with the opportunity of being around mothers to young children. I am also blessed to be a mamipikin of 4 and counting. Now apart from weight loss and lack of "personal time" the next big issue we always discuss is "parental guilt". Parental guilt is worse with first time mothers. It sets in that moment when you have to leave your infant for the first time to take a break, go to work, school, or an afternoon out for some down time. Do not fret! You have been building relationships all your life for moments like this when you need to leave your infant with a responsible adult. Some one you trust. You are not doing anything wrong.

  I don't have a long drawn out post on parental guilt because you don't need to feel guilty for taking a break, going to school  and or going to work in order to provide for your family, its that simple. As long as you are setting that time aside  to spend with your family when you can, you need not worry. You are doing what you need to do in order to take care of your family. I used to feel horrible for leaving my kids for a couple of hours. It was a real problem. I would worry about the nanny, or family member left with the responsibility for a couple of hours. The truth is that we cannot do it on our own. It truly takes a village. The Job is a necessity and so is the break or little time off from home.

    Some parents go as far as "over compensating" because they are not as available as they will love to be, they end up buying their kids out. Do not buy your children out. Do not get in the habit of teaching your children that material things can solve all of lives problems. Talk to your children once they can understand. Explain to them why you have to work or take a breather. Tell them about what it takes to be an adult and all the responsibilities you have as an adult.

    You always have to be the parent, and that involves making decisions that may be difficult for the children and even others to understand. At the end of the day, you want whats  best for you and your family and thats what truly matters.

  Let go of parental guilt. You are allowed to make a living for your family. You are also allowed to take a breather when needed. Like I said earlier, you are doing what you need to do in order to take care of your family, there should be no guilt involved.

Kisses.